Unemployed Day # 108

So now this is more like "Confessions of the Unemployed."

It's actually "in" to be unemployed. Everybody's doing it. I am officially on the unemployed bandwagon, rackin' up unemployment benefits from the State of New York, spending 2 hours at the gym every day, strolling down random streets and window shopping, all because I am getting paid to DO NOTHING! I am in fashion with the majority of New York. We roam the streets with nowhere important to go, with no money in our wallets, soaking up precious space and breathing precious air. I should be jumping up for joy. I should be embracing this freedom. Instead, I sit here bored out of my mind crying "I want a full-time job!" What 23 year old actress says that?!

I'm running out of ideas. I've thought so outside the box I can't even find myself back to the box anymore. I couldn't even get a waitressing job, or a tutoring job, or a part-time office assistant job. There are no temp jobs through the temp agencies. Schools are no longer hiring substitute teachers. My gym isn't hiring, there's no "Help" signs in any windows, babysitting jobs aren't following through, and every time I think "Maybe I should look for a full-time job," I say to myself "No! Embrace this time of unemployment to go audition and try new things!"

I am envious of every cashier I approach at a store. I am envious of cab drivers. I resent immigrants wearing their MTA uniforms picking up trash on the subway platforms!

I want to be a receptionist! I want to file papers! I want to send faxes! I want to do someone else's dirty work! I'll do someone else's dirty laundry! ... These are now dreams of mine.

I'm probably going to wish I had all this free time back when it's finally gone...

But I'm a do-er. Being busy and active is so ingrained into my pores that I don't quite feel like myself if I'm not working (and succeeding) on five different projects at once. I never would have guessed that being unemployed would be the hardest job I'd ever have to do.