Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I am doing what I always said I wanted to do. I had a moment today when I was offstage of Romeo & Juliet, looking out at the moon and the reflection of the city lights on the Hudson River. It dawned on me that I was playing Juliet. The lead of all leads for a young actress. In New York. The city of all cities for an actor. At the age of 23. Already.

My acting professor gave me a card at the end of the first semester of my sophomore year. It said: “Your dreams are already coming true.” At first, I didn’t quite know what it meant. I had dreams of being a professional actress. Of being successful in every endeavor. Of falling in love and getting married. Of living happily ever after. I hadn’t accomplished those dreams yet. What she was trying to make me see, though, was that before the future happens, the now is happening. I was already an actress, already successful, and already found love. This concept has stuck with me, as I travel down a path of obstacles and challenges. It is comforting, hopeful, and motivating to remember that while I am struggling to get to Point Z, I have already made it to Point M.

I was out with a new friend and decided to share my offstage revelation with him, deciding to open up to him and describe the stars and the moon, and my passion for Juliet. And he says, “Well, if you’ve already accomplished your dream, then where do you go from here? You’ve got nothing to do now.” Ha! What a downer! I laughed in his face at that one. “You think my aspiration as a little girl was to play Juliet in a little park?” No, it was to be in movies. To be on Broadway. To be famous. What do you mean, where do you go from here? Up! Up! Up! This isn’t a case of “the grass is greener on the other side” or whatever that expression about wanting what you don’t have is, Mister. He responds with a rhetorical riddle: “Who’s happier, the farmer who dreams of owning a yacht and a mansion, or the millionaire who has a yacht and a mansion and wants more?” Geez, dude, you might as well just go ahead and say it – call me selfish. Go ahead, call me ungrateful. Greedy. Maybe I’m the millionaire who appreciates his yacht and mansion? Or, maybe I’m the farmer who appreciates his pigs and chickens.

I believe in dreams. I believe in goals, aspirations, making preparations for the future. But we must remember to enjoy the ride, appreciate the journey and stop every now and then to acknowledge the step we are in. Before you stab yourself, Juliet, take a moment to realize what is going on.